


Unaccompanied Minor

by circusoffics



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: BAMF Amanda Grayson, GOOD parent sarek, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Tarsus IV, Young James T. Kirk
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:08:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 14,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27223255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/circusoffics/pseuds/circusoffics
Summary: After Winona is incarcerated young Jim Kirk sets about on a journey to his new family: a Vulcan couple named Selek and T'Prell, who live on a colony called Tarsus IV. In the immediate aftermath of Winona's arrest, Amanda Grayson and her husband Sarek prepare Jim for the months-long spaceflight to the his new home on the colony.
Comments: 16
Kudos: 69





	1. Arrival

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jim arrives in California, where he will spend a few short weeks in the care of Sarek and Amanda befor leaving for Tarsus IV

Sarek was not sure, at first, that the boy he saw was the one he sought. James was sitting in a corner of the train station seats hugging his knees close to his chest. He was staring intently at the ground so that Sarek couldn’t see his face. In the 90 degree heat James Kirk donned heavy jeans and a tattered sweatshirt. The son of Captain George Kirk looked very much smaller than Sarek had imagined. Not for the first time, he puzzled at the logic of a Vulcan family, that of his friend Selek, taking young James into their home permanently. 

“James?” He called at the boy. James glanced up at Sarek through a shag of blond hair, and then, eyes down once again, rose and started walking towards him, lugging a backpack and an old Starfleet-issue duffle. Sarek kneeled down. 

“May I carry one of your bags?” He asked. James held the backpack out to Sarek and mumbled  
“Thank you, Sir” when Sarek took it. They were silent until they were facing each other in the back of the ambassador’s car. Sarek had not yet grown used to having a driver and sitting in the back. He noticed James looking anxious. 

“I am Ambassador S’chn T’gai Sarek. You may call me Sarek. I understand that it must be daunting first to be removed from your mother, and then to be put in the care of an unfamiliar species. Perhaps your brief and unexpected time with us will provide a beneficial transition. My wife, Amanda is human and eager to host you. She will arrive home from work at 19:00.”

“Okay.” 

…

“Do you require anything to prepare you for your trip to Tarsus IV?” 

“No.”

“That is something my younger son would also say. He and his siblings are all away on an academic retreat for the month. The practice is comparable to the American ‘summer vacation’ though Vulcan was never agrarian in the same way that the midwest US once was.”

“Really, why? Vulcan is desert, but there still must be a best growing season right?”

“Vulcan does not manifest seasons in the predictable way that earth does. Thus, by necessity, the organic life that the Vulcan people use to export and sustain ourselves can thrive in a variety of seasons. This is why many Vulcans will reckon to plant life to represent robustness and perpetuity in literature.”

“That makes Vulcan literature make lots more sense, anyways. On earth it’s mostly used to represent seasonality or life cycles or fragility or death.”

“Fascinating. Amusingly, this too is something my younger son would know. Which brings me back to my original thought: there are certainly things you will need or want for a two-month voyage to a new home. Please comprise a list and have it ready by the end of the week. Amanda, my wife, will help you if you wish.”

“Yes, Sir.” Said James, shrinking back from his curious self into a shy cocoon. 

“Please, call me Sarek.”

“Okay.”

They arrived at the Ambassador’s home in San Francisco. Sarek carried Jim’s backpack, and Jim lugged his duffle up the stairs and into what was clearly a guest room. There were magazines in Vulcan on a table by the bed, and logic puzzles on a shelf. There was also a 3-D chess set, Jim noted. 

“Would you like some time to unpack?”

“Yes, please.”

“Excellent. In the drawer of the bedside table you will find a Comm provided to us by the government to give you. I have entered mine and Amanda’s contact information. If you would like assistance unpacking you may feel free to come get me. You may also roam the house, every room is open to you. I will be in the kitchen downstairs, and will come retrieve you if I do not see you by the time dinner is served, likely around 19:15. Is this plan acceptable to you?”

“Yes, of course.”

“Do you have any questions?” Jim paused, and looked uncomfortable. 

“Mull them over and prepare some to inquire about during dinner. We have two full weeks to get them all answered.”

“Thank you, Sarek.”

Sarek could hear sincerity etched into every wavelength of the boys voice. 

“I assure you James, you are very welcome.”

Alone in the room, Jim took about 5 minutes to unpack all of his clothes. He was painful hungry; he hadn’t eaten since he’d left Ms. Mabel's house the night before. When he’d put all his stuff away he sat on the bed. It was the comfiest thing he’d ever been on.  
Starfleet spouse pensions weren’t much to brag about, so the beds at the farm were decades old and lumpy. At Ms. Mabel's, he’d slept on the floor. With a pang he thought of Mom. He spent about ten minutes just choking back tears laying on the bed. There were two hours until dinner. He’d heard humans didn’t usually like Vulcan food, but he’d eat about anything at this point. 

He noticed a door in the corner, and found a small bathroom. It had a toilet, sink, and even a shower. He messaged Sarek to ask if he could use it. 

James: May I use the shower in this room on the water setting?

S’Chn T’Gai Sarek: Yes, of course. 

James: Thank you

S’Chn T’Gai Sarek: You are welcome.

Jim took a short shower, he didn't want to waste the water. He hadn’t realized how dirty he was until he saw that the water swirling around his feet and into the drain was tinged brown. There were strong smelling soaps already there. They smelled something adjacent to antiseptic, but still good. 

When he got out of the shower he changed into his nicest clothes for dinner: a pair of his old school khakis handed down from Sam (He stopped that line of thought where it started, to avoid puffy crying eyes at dinner), and a button up flannel shirt which also used to be Sam’s. The blood stains on it were almost unnoticeable and were from playing not from Frank. Though it too was ratty, it was at least nicer than a t-shirt or sweatshirt. It also hid his scars and the last of his angry bruises. The last of them. That was a good thought. Jim noted it and stored it for later. 

There was still an hour before dinner. He set out his Vulcan language study materials for after dinner, and read the rules of 3-D chess. He was intrigued. He’d never seen a set before, but it didn’t look like a game that would be fun to play alone. When he next looked at the time, there were ten minutes before Ms. Amanda would get home, and 15 before dinner. He ventured cautiously down to the kitchen and sat at the table watching Sarek cook. 

“Would you like any help?”

“You need not feel obligated, James. I have almost finished.” 

Jim sat and watched him work with kitchen instruments he’d never seen before, and ingredients he’d never seen before. Sarek was a good cook. Jim could tell just by watching that even if he didn’t like the food, it would be well made.  
Soon, he heard someone at the door. He realized, self consciously, that his hair was still wet and probably messy. 

“Hello!” A woman's voice called from the doorway behind Sarek. Jim watched her remove a sport coat and a watch. She threw her hair into a quick ponytail, and looked so much like his mom when she did it that Jim had to look down at the table in front of him to keep his mind off it. 

“Welcome home, Amanda.” Said Sarek. “How was your day?”

“Good, thank you. I was busy overlooking paperwork, but I bonded with my team over the monotony of it.” There was a hint of jest in her voice. 

“I am glad.” Said Sarek. Jim was still intently inspecting the table, but he thought maybe they shared a brief kiss. He felt her walk up to him. 

“Hello” She said. Leaning onto the table. 

“Hi” He answered carefully. 

“I’m Amanda, Sarek’s wife. What can I call you?” She asked. He didn’t exactly know how to answer, so he just introduced himself. 

“I'm Jim Kirk.” He said, shoving a hand out for a shake. She took it and shook it. 

“Hi Jim. How was your day?” He shrugged. 

“It was okay-” His stomach growled loudly, and she smiled. 

“Sarek, did you happen to ask Jim if he was hungry when you picked him up?”

Sarek turned around still holding a spoon with which he had been stirring something. 

“Regrettably, I did not.” He said, knowing it was not a good answer.

“How far is the food from being ready?”

“Approximately 3 minutes.”

“Will you make it Jim?” She asked, and he couldn’t quite tell if she was joking or not, so he just nodded and gave a slight smile, because it worked either way. 

“Well you should know that all of the food and the replicators here are welcome to you. If you are hungry and we haven’t made a meal, you should eat. Okay?” This time she wasn’t joking.  
He nodded his head. 

The food was delicious. They ate mostly in silence but for Jim’s questions:

“Will I go to school while I’m here?”

“No. You’ll have time for studying f you want to do so, and I can help you with that having been a teacher before, but considering that you are working well above your grade level we're not concerned with it.”

“Will your kids be back here before I go?”

“No, they will be on retreat until the end of April.”

“Do you mind if I play some of the puzzles in the room upstairs?”

“You may use any you find in your room or about the house.”

“Who do I give my Comm to when I go?”

“The communicator is for you to keep. Tarsus IV will have its own regulations for fostered minors, but in the United States, you are provided Comms until you come of age.”

“Can I go outside the house?”

“Of course, but do not leave the property without one of us escorting you.”

“Do vulcans take human foster kids a lot?”

“Almost never. Most families are too traditional to even consider it, but with Vulcan-human relations improving everyday it will start to become more common. 

“Do you think the family I’m going to live with on Tarsus has ever lived with a human before? You know them don’t you, and that’s why they put me here?

“Yes, we do know Selek and his wife T’Prell. They have worked closely with humans. Selek shared quarters with a human starfleet officer when he first started work with the embassy. 

“When can I call my mom?”

…

“We don’t really know. We just have to keep calling the federal prison operator until they know something. 

Jim ate as nicely as he knew how and when he was done he asked to be excused, and washed his plate. He realized he should have asked if he should do everyone else’s too, but by the time he hit the bed, he was nearly asleep already. 

He changed into a pair of shorts and took off his shirt. The Vulcan home felt hotter at night if that was possible. They must keep the heater on high compared to a human household in San Francisco. Soon enough he was asleep. 

Sarek and Amanda had an animated discussion about Jim when he retired to bed. Sarek liked the boy, and was surprised by how mannerly he was. Amanda was convinced that it was due to a fear of being kicked out or otherwise punished. 

She got a scare when she walked past his room later that night. Sarek would have to leave at 4:00 the next morning for a conference call, so he went to meditate not long after Jim slept, but Amanda had stayed up making calls to see when and if they would have a number for Jim’s mother. When she went up to bed several hours later, she took a peek into the slightly ajar door. 

The room was dark, and Jim’s breathing was relaxed and even, but his bare chest was covered in scars and bruises, some of which only looked a few days old. Her heart banged hard in her chest with fury. Amanda had been working with traumatized children nearly her whole career, but having one in her home was different. He felt like her own son. 

She went to sleep steaming mad. 

When Sarek awoke he silenced the alarm in time not to wake his wife. She looked to be sleeping fitfully, which didn’t surprise him. He quickly got ready in the dark, and on his way out of the house, he listened at Jim’s door to hear him studying the Vulcan language. He had even thrown in a few twinges of dialect from the part of Vulcan where Sarek, Sellek, and T’Prell had grown up. 

He was impressed with the boy’s mastery of the tongue. Humans could only really learn the language with a disciplined study in childhood. James seemed to be determined to master it. 

“I am going to work now.” Said Sarek, to let the boy know he was there. James jumped slightly. 

“Okay.” 

“Before I go, do you need anything?” 

“No, thank you, Sarek.”

“You are quite welcome, James.”


	2. Shopping

In the morning, Jim didn't notice when Amanda passed by his room to go down to the replicator. She brought him up a breakfast of Oatmeal, eggs, and toast with honey. 

"This is what I had for breakfast when I was growing up." 

"Thank you Ms. Grayson." Said Jim politely putting down his Vulcan study materials and tasting the oatmeal. "It's delicious," 

"Please, call me Amanda Jim." She smiled and somehow it made Jim's heart warm a little. 

"Alright" he said bashfully

"Jim, I know Sarek let you know that we would be shopping for your trip to Tarsus later this week, but we should also go shopping for a few things for you today."

"Like what?" Jim asked. 

"Some new clothes, for one thing. You should also have pajamas, and whatever soap and shampoo you prefer for the shower, and I'd like you to have a few books or games you want."

"That's very kind Ms. Amanda, but you don't have to do that. I have clothes, and there is already good soap and books and games here."

"Jim, we didn't take you in because we had to. We want you here, and we want you to be comfortable here. So, you and I are going to go shopping today. It will be a big help to me anyways because I'll need a second opinion on an outfit for a presentation." 

"Okay" Jim said. 

The pair dressed and walked downtown to the strip of stores. They found clothing shop where Amanda encouraged Jim as he chose a variety of basic clothing pieces including shoes and a jacket. 

Amanda emerged from the dressing room in a starkly red pant suit. Jim head never seen anything like it. Before saying anything she did a few silly model poses, which made Jim laugh. 

"This is the one" He said. 

"We haven't even looked at 3 other ones!" Exclaimed Amanda. 

"We can look, but I already know this is the one." Said Jim. 

He ended up being correct, though he was complementary about the outfits Amanda tried afterwards, it was clear to both of them that the red was far and away the best. 

As they walked back to Sarek and Amanda's home, Jim couldn't help thinking about his own Mom. He missed her. He wondered what she would think of Amanda and Sarek, and if she'd be proud he was learning Vulcan. 

"Ms. Amanda, when will you know when I can call my mom?" Amanda's face darkened, and she lead them to a bench out in front of her home. The block was deserted, so it seemed an appropriate setting for a hard conversation. 

"Right now, your mom is giving her final interview about what happened between you and your brother and her and her husband. Before the trial she did lots of interviews, during the trial she gave testimony, and now that she has been sentenced, she needs to give another interview. The people at child protective services will look at the interview, and talk to her and then they call us and you, and they'll rule whether you are allowed to talk to her and how much." 

Jim's stomach dropped "they aren't going to let me call her ever?" 

"Jim, that might not happen."

"She's been sentenced to ten years for child abuse and endangerment, of ME. They wont let me call her! Not ever! When she gets out I'll be old and she won't know me anymore!" 

"I know. It's really painful for you, but they don't always cut contact in these cases." 

"You have no idea what they'll do! Just like you have no idea what she did! who she is! My mom didn't do anything wrong and now she's in jail and she's gonna forget about me!" Jim was yelling, and tears streamed down his face. 

"Jim, let's go inside and we can keep talking about this." Amanda Said

But Jim was embarrassed and scared. He'd yelled at Amanda. What would she do? What would Sarek do? He'd lose his new family. 

so, he ran. Jim turned and, without his bag with everything he owned in it (which was inside the house) sprinted away from Amanda. After several blocks of all out-sprinting, he lost her. he was alone.


	3. Alone (with company)

Jim had expected that, Sarek being an important ambassador, he'd have been found by the police in a couple of hours. As it turned out, his time hiding from Frank had been helpful, and he'd spent the afternoon slipping under the radar of the officers he heard asking around about a young blonde boy walking around alone. He'd not had the forethought to take with him a bag of the clothing Amanda had gotten for him so he could change his outfit, but he'd have felt guilty stealing from her anyways.

Jim was wearing a pair of old jeans and a red flannel button down (this was how he heard the police describe him to a shop owner). In his pocket he no longer had the comm that Sarek had given him. He'd buried it at a park near the house because he knew he could be tracked with it, but he marked the spot with a stick so he could find it again if he needed to. After the park Jim decided to wander into the city-center. He had been to San Francisco before, with Sam and his mom. They had been to a part of the bay where there was a red bridge. Jim had an easy time finding his way around new places, but he hadn't been to this city since he was a child, when his father was being honored at the academy for something. Finding the bridge took a bit of wandering, and when he first saw it he was a ways away. There was a park that looked out at the bay, and a bench that faced the bridge. Jim thought about walking to the place where he hand Sam and mom had seen it through binoculars on a high up building, but he thought made him misty eyed, so he sat on the bench feeling as helpless as he ever had. 

He couldn't go back to Amanda and Sarek's home. he'd disrespected her, been ungrateful for their help, and ruined their relationship- it wasn't safe. He couldn't go back to Iowa. CPS would find him, and even if they didn't he had nothing to go back to. His only friend- Sam- was dead. Killed by Frank. He'd thought once about going to Starfleet Academy. He bet his dad had friends there who'd take him in. Let him stay on earth. Tell him stories about his dad. Let him video chat with his mom. But that was little more than a fantasy. 

If Jim had his bag, the one in Sarek and Amanda's house right now, he could find his Mom's address book, and the little emergency money she'd given him the last time he saw her. He knew she'd know someone in the area. None of these were options though. Usually, when Jim was lost, or when something was wrong, he could solve his problems by figuring out what he wanted most. Right now, he didn't know what that meant. He wanted to talk to him Mom but couldn't. He wanted to see Sam but never would again. He wanted to be back at his house in Iowa, making diner with his family. He wanted to talk to his dad. The brave mythical superhero his mom had told him about. Where was his dad now? Nowhere useful. But his dad would know what to do if he were here. George Kirk would know exactly who to call and what to say. Where to go and what to do. 

Just then, someone sat down next to Jim. He looked over to see a very old human woman. Maybe the oldest person he'd ever seen. 

"My name is Hoshi" She said with a smile. 

"I'm JT." Said Jim, remembering that his mother had told him never to give his name to a stranger. 

Hoshi laughed. "I know who you are, boy. You must be as sharp as your father to give me a pseudonym." Jim's jaw dropped. 

"You knew my dad?" He asked. 

"I taught him Vulcan." She said, casually. 

"My-my dad knew Vulcan?" 

"He did. And Klingon, and English and Standard obviously. And a few more. He had much promise. But more than that he was a joy to teach and I have missed him." 

"What was he like?" 

"He was funny. Always making jokes in classes. Making other students laugh when things got hard. I think his best quality was that when he found a weakness of his own, instead of hiding it, he leaned into it. He acknowledged that it wasn't a strength, and he found other things to excel at." 

"I wish he was here."

"He'd want to be." 

"How did you know who I am?"

"You look very much like your brother Sam did in pictures George sent to me. I also heard that a little boy called Jim kirk was running around the city in jeans and a red shirt slipping out of the grasp of anyone he came by." 

"Oh" Jim's heart fell "So, you're here to take me back to Sarek and Amanda. 

"I wouldn't say I'm here for any purpose in particular. I simply saw you sitting alone and couldn't bear not to talk to you. That said, I think it would be wise for you to go back to a lovely home with a very nice couple inside it to take care of you." 

"I don't want to go." 

"Why not, Dear?" she asked, and put a hand on his shoulder. 

"I'll never see anyone I've ever known again. Not my mom, not Sam, not my teacher or my classmates or the people in the shops at Iowa. I won't see my mom's friends, or any of my Dad's friends who came to visit me and Sam. I wont see my house ever again, or run in the fields. I wont ride my bike. Everything I know is gone forever and I can't get it back and I can't just forget it existed. From now on there's just strangers who speak a different language to take care of me, and a new home on a different planet that no one I know has been to. There's nothing familiar ever again." 

"I'd like to show you how I remember people and places I have lost. If I take you home with me for tea, will you let me call Amanda and Sarek to come pick you up?" 

"Okay." 

After Hoshi called Sarek, she walked Jim to her house, and they drank tea while painting pictures of things from the past. Jim painted his farm. His bike. Hi mom and Sam. He painted the field where he played and when he was tired of painting, and his crying eyes were normal again, Hoshi told him that Sarek was on his way.


	4. Return

On the ride home, Sarek and Jim faced each other once again. 

"We were very worried about you." Said Sarek. "Amanda was very upset about your argument. " Jim's face seemed to pale, and he said

"Mr. Sarek, I am so sorry, Sir. I did not mean to hurt Ms. Amanda's feelings but I disrespected her and I was ungrateful for the help you both have given me. I made you scared and took up your whole day by running away and I'm really sorry and I'll accept whatever punishment you think is logical." The words had come out in a scared gush. 

"James I am sorry if I gave the impression that we are angry. We are not. Being angry and being worried are different. You have been put in a highly difficult predicament. Your family has been taken from you. Your home is far away and will get farther. You are being taken care of by strangers, and have to learn a new language to interact with the family who will take you in. If I were you, I would be distressed that the future was so unknown."

Jim was too tired to cry more or he might have. How can you not be angry?"

"It would be illogical to anger at a child displaying normal distress in a terrible situation. We were afraid you would get lost or hurt, or that you wouldn't know that we care about you and were looking hard for you, but while Amanda was upset by your argument, she is a professional who has worked with children for many years. She was upset not because you hurt her feelings, but because she could see the pain *you* are in more clearly." 

"Will you send me away?" 

"No. In fact, if you did not already have parents ready for your arrival on Tarsus IV, Amanda and I would feel quite compelled to raise you here with our other children- one of whom is a human child we adopted." 

Jim didn't know what to stay. That he wanted to stay here, with Sarek and Amanda? No. Though he'd prefer it to going to Tarsus. He fell asleep on the drive back to the home, lulled by the hovercar's buzz. 

When he awoke again, he was in his bed in Amanda and Sarek's home. It was dark out, but Jim could hear Sarek on a vid call with someone. 

"Ambassador, I understand your concern for him, but I really think it would be best for everyone if I could say goodbye."  
The voice sounded familiar to Jim but he didn't remember who it belonged to. He crept out of bed and pressed his ear to the cracked door. 

"I understand your desire, but you are asking at a particularly inopportune time. As you'll be aware from your conversation with Commander Sato, he is struggling to accept his future. And whether or not it is what he desires, he must go." 

"Why? When I am here, and his home is here?" 

"Captain Pike, you reside on earth temporarily. Your orders take you on and off starships constantly. George specified in his will that he did not want his sons growing up on a starship."

"Ambassador, I'm not asking to adopt him however much I want that. I just want to see him in person once. I want to say goodbye. To tell him what his father would say, and how proud he would be." 

"Amanda is the expert on child psychological welfare, and when she wakes in the morning I will speak with her about this, but it is our job to make sure that Jim is taken care of as best as possible, and if that involves speaking with you we will of course make that happen, but if Amanda agrees that it could harm his ability to accept his future on Tarsus IV, I will not allow you to speak." 

"A logical solution as always ambassador." 

"Live long and prosper, Captain" 

"Peace and long life." 

Jim heard the line disconnect. His heart was ponding. He heard Sarek's footsteps coming closer, and flitted silently back onto the bed. 

Sarek cracked the door open to look inside, and Jim was lying facedown on the bed artfully feigning sleeping breaths. 

Jim had lain facedown so that Sarek couldn't see that his face was flushed with anger, and contorted with sadness and confusion. When the ambassador left the room to meditate, Jim sat up in bed and worked on his Vulcan materials.


	5. News

Jim didn't realize that he had fallen asleep on his desk until the sound of a plate being placed upon it roused him. He blinked fog out of his eyes and yawned, seeing Sarek sitting near him on the edge of Jim's bed. 

"I apologize for the early hour James, but I wanted to speak with you before I left for work. First-" He placed Jim's dirt-covered comm on the desk "because I know you are interested in mechanics, I will let you take it apart, clean it, and put it back together. Just let me know if you need any tools or parts that aren't programmed into the replicator. I am not mad, this is just an opportunity to get some useful education on your hiatus from school. Next time you need to hide a comm or tracking device, I would advise putting it in a bag first, and putting the marker a set distance and direction away from the burial site. Otherwise I was very impressed." 

"Thank you" Jim said, tentatively. 

"The breakfast I have brought you is a Vulcan traditional breakfast for a guest. It is fresh Gespar, a fruit that Amanda and I grow in the back garden."

"Thank you very much." Said Jim, marveling about how much Sarek and Amanda seemed to think and talk about him when he wasn't present. He couldn't think of anyone who'd ever thought about him that much. Maybe Sam. 

"Please, eat. I also have news." Jim tried a piece of fruit. I was fleshy and sweet. It sort of tasted like if strawberry were a dense melon. 

"This fruit is really good." he said, "What is the news?"

"You recall that I informed you that my children are away at an academic retreat?" Jim nodded, gespar juice dripping down his chin. "Well one of them is going to come back early." 

"Oh, do you need me to go somewhere else, like to another family?" Jim asked, fear seeping through him. 

"Absolutely not. You will stay here until your shuttle takes off for Tarsus IV no matter what happens. We are not going to send you away before your ship comes. For the next two weeks you are our responsibility, and it is a gift to have you. I warned you because my daughter, Michael, can be... raucous. And because it would be surprising and unsettling for a new housemate to arrive at random." Sarek answered. 

"Oh. Thanks. Michael sounds fun. How old is she?" Jim asked. 

"Michael is 16, and while she is very fun, you need not worry if she does not spend much time with you. She is being confined to the property for the next week due to the actions that lead to her dismissal from the retreat. She will likely spend much time in her room, and if she is angry, she may act angry towards you, even if she is not angry with you but myself."

"Oh, okay. Well, I hope I can be friends with her. I know she's 7 years older, but it'll be nice for there to be another kid around." 

"I hope you can too. She will arrive this evening around diner time. There will be another person around today, too. Actually, you'll go to see him." 

Jim's heart swelled. He felt like he might burst. The person on the vid comm. Captain Pike. Chris Pike. His Uncle Chris. He'd remembered the name later. A friend of his dad's who had visited the farm twice that Jim remembered. He gave Jim a model starship to build which was still in his bag on the floor. He wanted to see Uncle Chris so badly it hurt. Someone who knew him from before all of this. It made Jim feel like a normal person. Not just a tragedy that needed cleaning up. 

"Really? Who!" He asked. 

"You're going to go visit the doctor today. The doctor is going to give you a physical exam and make sure that you are ready for spaceflight, and he will also ask you some questions to see if your mind is healthy." 

Jim was putting everything he had into not looking absolutely crushed. He did pretty well. 

"There is no need to be nervous. This is also Michael's doctor, he specializes in human health, and she approves of his care." 

"Okay." Said Jim with a forced smile. 

"It is time for me to go to work now. You may go back to bed until Amanda wakes if you wish. Do you need anything else?" 

"No Sir- um. Mr. Sarek." 

"That's quite alright James. I will see you for dinner." 

When Sarek left, Jim laid on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Uncle Chris wanted to see him. From the conversation, it sounded like he wanted to see Jim in person. It might not mean Uncle Chris was in San Francisco, but since he was in Starfleet and he was waiting to ship back out, he probably was. If Jim could just get to the Academy today without Amanda noticing he could find him. 

-  
Amanda woke up later than Jim expected her to. In fact, he had taken apart the comm and cleaned all the pieces. He was laying them out on the desk in the order they would go back together when he heard Amanda shout, 

"SHIT!" from the bedroom. 

Fear shot like lightning though his heart. He needed to find a place to hide. He needed to let her calm down on her own and everything would be fine. He found a vent behind the desk, and luckily he'd programmed a screwdriver for putting the comm together. He unscrewed the vent, removed it, climbed inside, and held it in place just in time for Amanda to rush into his room. 

"Jim?!" She moved the covers on his bed, and realized he wasn't there. She looked around curiously. Jim held his breath. She saw the comm on the desk and sighed. "Silly Vulcan". She said, and left the room, shouting his name. 

With his mom it was easy to know when the moods passed. She apologized and told him she loved him and cried. Amanda didn't seem angry, but he couldn't be sure. The vent felt safe. He stayed there for several minutes listening to her call out to him around the house. She went out the back door, presumably to check the garden. She came back inside. He heard her shuffle around. Then, she came up the stairs. He saw her stop in the doorway and look under the desk from afar. His heart dropped when he realized he'd left the screws that held the vent in place on the ground instead of bringing them with him. Rookie mistake. 

"Jim, I can see you in the vent. You can stay there if you want, but I won't hurt you." 

Jim said nothing. 

"What happened that was scary?" she asked. 

Jim paused for a long time. Amanda waited. 

"I-I heard you yell" A look of understanding crossed her face. 

"I was yelling because I woke up late. I wanted to take you to the library before the doctor, but now we don't have time. I am so sorry I scared you. I promise that even if I am mad, I will never hurt you. I have never hurt any of my other kids and I will not start with you. can you come out of the vent so we can talk?" 

Jim crawled out. 

"I'm sorry I undid the vent, I'll fix it. I didn't mean to....to..." 

"It's okay Jim. You were protecting yourself and there is nothing wrong with protecting yourself. You don't have to protect yourself from anyone in this house, but you do what you need to feel safe, okay?" 

"Okay" Said Jim. He sat on the edge of his bed and Amanda joined him. 

"I know that going to the doctor isn't fun for some kids, but we've got to get you a check up before your trip. Do you feel ready to go now?" 

He didn't. He wanted to stay. or maybe go. or cry for some reason? but, 

"Sure" He said with a half smile.  
-  
The doctor went fine. He did a check up, and told Jim he was brave or whatever, and then he asked a bunch of questions. Like 'do you ever feel like something really bad is about to happen when there aren't any signs something will?" "what's the scariest thing that's ever happened to you?" "do you feel like you have to be watching out for danger all the time? 

Then, Amanda talked to the doctor alone and when she came out she looked sad. She took him get lunch at a restaurant, add then to the library. 

Jim loved the library. He didn't know who had told her this. Maybe Ms. Mabel, his teacher whos house he'd slept at before coming to California. 

Jim picked a few books to check out, including instructions for 3D chess and some accounts of long space voyages. Mostly he went deep into the library, pulled out and old book, closed his eyes, and tried to imagine that he was back at his library in Iowa. 

When he saw Amanda again, it was because she'd come looking for him. It was nearly dinner time and Sarek had commed her to ask when they would be back. 

Back at the house, Sarek's dinner smelled really good. Jim wasn't used to eating three meals a day so it was a surprise every time someone offered him food. Dinner passed without incident, and though there was a place set for her, without Michael. Jim helped with the dishes at his own request, and shortly after he went up to his room which Sarek called 'retiring' Jim heard her arrive. Sarek was right that she was angry. 

"I can't believe you're making me stay in the house for a whole week! All I did was stick up for my friend. It isn't fair." 

Michael, Amanda, and Sarek were sitting in the living room. Michael on one side, Sarek and Amanda on the other. Jim peeked around the corner at the top of the stairs to watch them. 

"You aren't confined to the house, it's the property. And I *am* proud that you stuck up for that girl, but Michael, putting laxatives in your guide's coffee was dangerous." Said Amanda. 

Jim had to stifle a laugh, and while it escaped Amanda and Sarek's attention who were facing away from him, Michael looked right at him, and smiled ruefully before looking away. 

"One day," She said, "I'll go to the Vulcan science academy, and they'll value my fire." 

"Much as I value your fire, daughter, I fear the science academy will not concur. To succeed there, you will need to work on compliance and control. You will need to become more Vulcan." Said Sarek firmly. 

"Sarek, I didn't expect you to understand. You don't like anything that isn't Vulcan enough. I thought you'd at least have my back, though." She said to Amanda. "I'm going to my room." She huffed. 

Jim stumbled backwards and retreated from his perch around the corner of the stairs to peeking from behind his door, just barely cracked as he watched Michael go into the room right next to his. He might have imagined it, but he thought he saw her wink at him.


	6. Heist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> peep the sneaky discovery quote in this chapter? ;)

Jim was almost asleep when a thought crossed his mind. Uncle Chris. He was supposed to try to sneak out to the academy today. 

"NO!" He managed to quiet his voice to a whisper before the whole word came out but he couldn't keep from crying. He was so angry at himself. He deserved to be hit. He punched himself in the leg, tentatively. It felt good so he punched harder. He punched his leg again and again, crying. 

There was a quiet tap on the door. Jim tried to get ahold of himself, but it was hard. All he could do was bury his head in his hands.

"I'm coming in" said Michael in a whisper. and she did. 

When she rested a hand on Jim's back he jumped, but as she rubbed his back he started to breath slower. 

"I can't believe myself. I'm so stupid. I can't believe it." 

"What happened?" Asked Michael. Her voice was calm and steady. Jim had no reason to trust her, but sometimes when there's nothing left to do, all you can do is trust someone, or something. So he told her. He told her how he'd heard Sarek talking to Uncle Chris, but forgot to go find him. 

"Amanda is really good at distracting people from plans she doesn't want them to follow." said Michael. "She's done it to me a hundred times. more than once in that same library." She smiled at Jim. 

Jim gave her a chuckle for her effort. 

"Sarek is in deep meditation, so he cant hear us right now, but Vulcans do have really sharp hearing. Want to go talk in the garden? It's sort of a tradition for me and my brothers." 

Jim nodded. 

In the garden she told him about how she got kicked out of retreat. Apparently, the guide had said something xenophobic about Andorians, and her friend was Androian. She told the director what happened but they did nothing, so she put laxatives in his coffee. Seemed fair to Jim. 

"So what are you in for?" she asked. 

Jim cocked his head, not sure what she meant. 

"All Amanda would tell me is that you're going to the new colony on Tarsus and you need somewhere to stay until you ship out. How come you're staying with us?" Michael asked not realizing the gravity of the answer. 

"My mom is in jail because people think she was a bad mom, but she wasn't. And my brother died because her husband killed him. And then he, Frank her husband, told my mom that I killed my brother. So she hit me a bunch and the police came and took me away. After I got out of the hospital I slept one night in my teacher's house and I wasn't allowed to go outside because they didn't catch Frank. The next day they put me on a train to California and told me I was going to fly to a new federation colony where a family was waiting to adopt me since my mom will be in jail until I'm an adult." 

"Wow" Said Michael, failing to hide her surprise. "I thought I had it bad when my parents were murdered in front of me." there was a beat when they were both silent, and then they laughed together, long and hard. 

"Sometimes," said Jim "It feels like this all happened to someone else, and I'm back home in Iowa reading about it in the paper, or seeing it in a holo." 

"I remember that feeling" Said Michael. "It only went away when I had lived here a while. It was like, I had to become a new version of me before I felt like past-me was past-me instead of present-me looking at a whole different person. Does that make sense?" She asked, 

"Yeah. I don't know if I want a new me." 

"I hope this isn't too harsh, but you've crossed that bridge already. You're not the person you were before your brother died. You won't be ever again. It might have been easier to be him. Simpler. That you still exists in your memory. But you're different now and that's okay. Even if it's harder to be present-you." 

Jim was silent. Trying to take in the advice. 

"I really want to talk to Uncle Chris." He said. "I feel so stupid that I forgot." 

"It's not too late.." Michael had a devious smile.  
-  
Michael snuck back inside the house. She brought out her comm, and shoes and jackets for both of them. At Jim's request, she also brought his model starship. 

"How do you know where he is?" Asked Jim as they walked down through the city in the dark. 

"Well, if he's a captain it's unlikely he'd sleep away from the Academy. Really captains hardy sleep at all, Sarek says most of them just sleep in their offices. Pike is a teacher when he isn't on missions so his office address is public information. That's where we're checking first. If we don't find him there, I have another plan." 

When they arrived outside the office building, Jim's heart was in his throat. What if he didn't want to see Jim? What if he was angry? 

Michael led them inside the building, and the security officer said "Hey you kids, what are you doing here?" 

Jim stopped in his tracks, prepared to be in so much trouble. 

"Kid's? I'm telling my CO you called me that. I'm taking this 'kid' to captain Pike, and whatever you want to ask is classified. Ask Pike if you want him to tell you the same thing." 

"Whatever. Legally the kid can't sleep here, so I'd better watch you two leave before the end of my shift." 

The boarded the elevator. 5 floors up, at the door to Pikes office, Michael said

"You should knock. You're the one he wants to see." Jim took a breath, and knocked. 

He heard rustling from inside wich quieted. He lifted his hand again, but hesitated. Michael nodded at him, but he couldn't do it. She knocked nice and loud. 

"Hang on", said Uncle Chris. It was him. Jim could tell. He opened the door. He was ruffled. Sporting pajamas, bed head, and bleary eyes, he puzzled at Michael. She pointed at Jim. 

Uncle Chris dropped to his knees. "Jimmy?" He said. 

Jim just jugged him, and Uncle Chris hugged back. For the millionth time in the last few days, Jim cried. Uncle Chris smelled the way he figured his dad smelled. Like engineering equipment mixed with the pristinely clean academy scent. 

"I'm so happy to see you, Kid." He said. 

"You can't even imagine." said Jim, still squeezing him tight, never planning to let go.


	7. Reunion

Eventually, they had to let go. Partly because it's weird for other people if you hug to long, but mostly so that Jim could wipe the tears and snot off of his face. Uncle Chris held him by the shoulders and looked him up and down. 

"You're so much bigger than when I last saw you!" He said. 

"Wait I have something to show you!" Said Jim. He pulled the model star ship out of his pocket. It was made of hard metal that Jim had to bend with pliers to fit together into the right places. Then, he'd painted on the number, not of his Dad's last ship, but of Uncle Chris's. Uncle Chris took the model. Holding it like it was something precious. 

"I'd already planned what I was bringing you next when your mom told me I couldn't come. Want to see it?" He asked 

"Yeah" Jim said. He had a warm feeling all over. He felt like he was home. He felt like he was meant to be with Uncle Chris. He could live here in this office for all he cared. Uncle Chris reached into a high-up out-of-the-way cabinet, and pulled out two identical odd-looking contraptions. 

"They're called gyroscopes." You can move the outside all you want, but the insides pretty much stay the same way. He handed one to Jim who immediately started spinning it and moving it around. 

"What's it for?" he asked, trying to make the inside spin like a top. 

"Well technically it can be used for measuring something called angular velocity. But really they're just fun to play with." Jim laughed. "I chose them for you right after you dad died. Because if you put a gyroscope on a flat surface during an earthquake, the outside moves and shakes, but the inside is still stable. I thought maybe it would help you feel like, even though the word is shaking and spinning, there's still balance you can find. There's still people you can rely on. There are things that never change."

"It feels like everything is changing now. I heard you on the call with Sarek. So you know it all. I'm being sent far away. And I won't know who my family is. Even Michael wont be there." Michael looked up. She was sitting at the captain's desk, playing with the other gyroscope. "You got two gyroscopes because the other one was for Sam right? Sam's dead. That's not the same." Michael put it down on the desk. "I'm sorry" Jim said, "I don't mean to mean, but everyone just keeps handing me off to the next person and the next place. When is it gonna stop?" His voice cracked and he was trying not to cry again. He looked up to see the Uncle Chris was close to crying himself. 

"Let's go on a walk Jimmy." Said Uncle Chris. He told Michael to wait in his office, and on the way out Michael handed Jim Sam's gyroscope. It felt heavier than his did. In the lobby, Uncle Chris told the guard to leave the girl in his office alone, and then he took Jim on a walk around the academy. He showed Jim all the coolest buildings and told him what was done inside. There was a fountain on a quad where he and Jim sat on the ledge. 

"You know, Tarsus IV is pretty far from here, but it might not always be far from my ship." Said Uncle Chris. 

"Really? Are you sure?"

"I can't be positive. But I do know that I can talk to you on video. Sometimes its hard to get access to the ship vidcom on a long voyage like yours, but you call and I'll be there. And once you get there we can set up an evening each week where we eat our dinner together and chat." 

"Can you send me mail out there?" 

"I don't think they have a system set up yet, but they should in a few years" 

"When they do you've gotta send me all the earth snacks. I bet I'll miss them rea bad." Jim paused. 

"What is it, Kiddo?" Chris asked. 

"I don't think they'll ever let me talk to my mom again until I'm 18". 

"I think you're probably right", Chris answered sadly. 

"Well. I was wondering. If they'll let you. If you could tell her I love her. and I miss her more than anything. And someday when they let me I'll call her. Will you tell her that?" 

"Sure I will. If they let me call her I'll tell her what you said."

"You think she's bad too, don't you. Everyone does. But she's not." 

"It doesn't matter what I think, because I wasn't there with you at your house. I think that no matter what, no kid deserves to get hurt ever. And the thought of you getting hurt, of Sam getting hurt. It makes me sick to my stomach. There was a long time when I wanted to just come to visit and take you away with me." 

"So why don't you?" Jim asked, sounding small. "Take me away with you?"

It took Uncle Chris a long time to answer. 

"Jimmy, I hope you never doubt that you are my family and I am your family. I will love you forever, and I always loved you, and I want the best for you. And I'm a captain with 400 other family members waiting for me on my starship. Space is a hard place to grow up, and your dad told me and you mom, and the state of Iowa that he didn't want you to grow up in space. He didn't want you to live on a starship. So I can't take you with me." 

"But you'll visit if you can."

"And I'll call as much as I can."

Uncle Chris walked Jim back to the office building. When they got into his office, Michael was asleep with her head on the desk. It was still the dead of night, but when Uncle Chris called Sarek and Amanda's house, they picked up and said that they would be waiting when Chris brought the kids back. They walked mostly in silence. It had been nice to see Uncle Chris, and the future felt a little more doable now, but he wondered if Uncle Chris would really call and really visit. And he was keeping Sam's gyroscope in a different pocket from his and his model ship. It weighed him down like a brick. 

"Thank you for bringing them back." Said Amanda with a Smile when Uncle Chris parted from them at the door." 

"I am so happy I got to see Jim. If I can see him again before he leaves next week I would really like to." Answered uncle Chris. 

"We'll talk about when would be a good time." Said Amanda. 

Uncle Chris said goodbye, he Jim hugged, and he gave a Ta'al to Sarek. Then, Sarek and Amanda ushered Jim and Michael inside. 

Then, they started scolding Michael. 

"How dare you take Jim out in the dark you could have gotten lost! You could have been hurt!"

Jim was so angry with them he couldn't even look at them. He balled up his fists and squished his face to stop from mouthing off. He was shaking from the exertion. 

Amanda noticed and gently placed a hand on his shoulder. He jolted, turned his face away from her, and said, 

"I don't want to talk to you right now." He was biting his cheek so hard he tasted blood. 

"Jim, please tell me what's wrong." She said. He knew she wouldn't let it go, and so his anger all gushed out. 

"Michael didn't do anything wrong, you did! There was one person in the whole world who I knew from before and who loves me and you wouldn't let him see me! I can't believe you wouldn't let him see me! I thought you liked me. I even thought.. I- I thought you might even love me." His voice had gone from a roar to a whimper.

"Jim. We do love you. I promise you that. Please, look at me." Jim still hadn't looked either her or Sarek in the eye since he'd been home. He knew that if he did he'd feel worse. 

"Lot's of people say that, but no one wants to keep me." He said. The room was silent for a long time. Sarek broke it. 

"James. I know that I am not a warm person, by human or Vulcan standards. But I hope you'll see through my explanation that we do care deeply for you. Amanda and I have thought about keeping you. Seriously enough that we contacted your adoptive parents on Tarsus. They have been planning for your arrival since they were first notified that you needed a home. they've had a room built for you. They are working on their English. They are learning how to make American food. The schools on Tarsus are some of the best, and for an intelligent boy like you that is important. And I'll be very honest with you Jim. Perhaps more honest than my wife would prefer. We want to send you off planet because they have not yet arrested your mother's husband. We believe you will be safer on Tarsus than you can be here right now."

"Sure. Everyone's got their own reason. I'd like to go to bed now, please." 

"That is quite alright, James. We will talk again tomorrow. " 

Jim knew he hurt Amanda by refusing to look at her and Sarek, and he didn't exactly understand why he had done it. He felt betrayed. He turned all the lights in the room off and stared at the ceiling. Every time he began to fall asleep he saw Sam's face and jolted awake again. He was afraid that if he fell all the way asleep, he'd get trapped in a nightmare until morning. Downstairs, Sarek and Amanda were speaking to Michael so quietly that he couldn't have listened in even if he'd eavesdropped from the top stair. He heard the three of them silently go to their rooms. Then, a few minutes later, his door creaked open, and Michael made some crude hand motions which Jim interpreted as an invitation to talk in the garden. 

"I'm sorry this is happening." Said Michael. 

"Which part?" 

"I don't know. All of it. The fighting. The leaving earth. The stuff with your mom. All of it." 

Jim Just sighed. 

"I'm sorry I was playing with Sam's gyroscope." Said Michael. "I would have left it alone if I had realized. He must have been really cool." 

"Yeah he was the best. Sam was always helping me be more brave. We'd ride our bikes as fast as we could down the steepest hills, and we'd play tag in fields with grass so high we could only see like 2 feet in front of our face. He taught me a little about fixing cars. He wasn't really good at school so I helped him with that, but he was way better at life and he helped me with that. I keep wondering what he'd do if he were me."

"What do you think?" 

"I'm not sure. He'd either run away and make his own life somewhere, or he'd move to tarsus without crying like a baby three times a day. I don't have the skills to make my own life somewhere else, but I don't want to go to tarsus." 

"At least it sounds like that couple really wants you there" 

"I'm not ready to think about if it could be good yet". 

"Well I'm happy to just look at the stars with you" said Michael.


	8. Silence

Jim had fallen asleep in the grass of the garden looking at the stars with Michael. She carried him back into the house, laid him down in his bed, and pulled the covers over him. 

She went to her own room and fell asleep almost immediately. In the room next to her, Jim was dreaming.   
-  
He and Sam were running in the field with tall grass, and at first it was fun. For some reason, it felt like it had been a long time since Jim had seen his brother. He had missed him and it was fun to hear his voice and see his face. But Jim soon realized that the grass was much taller than usual. He couldn't see the sky. He also couldn't see Sam who was always just out of sight as Jim chased him. Jim called out for him to slow down, that he was scared and he couldn't keep up. Then it got dark and Jim couldn't hear Sam at all. It got cold and he heard someone running towards him. 

"Sam?", he called. His voice shook. There was no reply. He started running, but then there were footsteps from every direction. About ten Franks, emerged around him. The all looked as crazed as he had the last time Jim had seen him, and all were holding that same gun that killed Sam. He remembered that same was dead and wondered who had lead him into the field. 

"No! Go away!" he screamed. The Franks were upon him. Their hands were all over his body holding him down. One of them help his gun to Jim's head and said, 

"No one's left to love you now, Maggot. Not that anyone ever did. You'll never be good like Sam. You're wrong. Damaged. Dangerous. And now you're dead." Frank clicked the barrel into place and-  
\-   
Michael awoke a few hours after falling asleep to Jim's blood-curdling scream. The first thought in her mind was Sarek telling Jim that Frank was still on the loose. Her room was closer to Jim's than her parents, so she arrived first to find him flailing in his bed, still asleep. She grabbed his shoulder and shook him roughly trying to wake him. 

"Jim! Wake up!" She said loudly and firmly. His eyes opened, but were still filled with fear, and he shook like a leaf. He covered his face, like he expected her to start beating him. "I didn't mean to scare you, I'm sorry, you were having a nightmare I only meant to wake you up!" She said, holding her hands up and backing away from him. 

By now Amanda was in the room and Sarek lumbered after her, not yet fully removed from him meditation. 

"I scared him, I swear I was only trying to wake him up." 

"Go to the kitchen and have some tea with Sarek" Amanda said kindly. 

Then, Amanda sat on the edge of Jim's bed. "Jim, I'm going to rub your back, but I'll be gentle." When her hand touched his back he flinched but as she rubbed, the shaking started to abate. "No one here will hurt you. You are safe here. It's just you and me right now." She said. But he didn't face her. She began to sing to Jim, a song he'd heard before but wasn't sure where.

"The stars are green and glowing  
where my hear is  
where my heart is   
somewhere beyond the stars  
beyond Antares" 

The song went on for a few verses, and Jim was more awake when she finished singing, so he knew Frank wasn't around the corner. He was embarrassed, and he was still furious with her. 

"Are you feeling better?" asked Amanda. Jim nodded his head. "Would you like to come downstairs and have tea with us before you go back to sleep?" Jim shook his head hard. "Jim, we really do love you-" before Amanda finished, Jim jerked his shoulder out of her grasp. She sighed. "We can talk tomorrow. Let me know if you need anything okay?" Jim gave no response. 

He refused to speak to anyone the next day. Michael came to his room in the afternoon and said that she was sorry for waking him up like that. Jim wasn't angry with her. He was glad she woke him. But for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say a word, or even move out of bed. Sarek and Amanda both came to his room together and separately. They offered him meals which he felt too tired to eat. Sarek told Jim about his day which was interesting but Jim just stared at the wall, which is also what he did when Amanda came to tell him that it was perfectly normal to feel sad and tired but that she was worried about him. The night came and went and he spent it sleepless. He got out of bed for the first time since the nightmare and finally finished putting his comm back together. Then, he heard footsteps in the hallway and retreated back under the covers. 

The next day went much the same way. Michael didn't return, but Amanda and Sarek were clearly concerned. The doctor came to his room to talk to him. He tried to talk about things Jim was interested in, but when he tried talking about Sam and Jim's mom, Jim grabbed his pillow, threw it at the doctor, and laid back down beneath the covers. Amanda came by to scold him later, but he didn't care. Everything felt numb. 

That evening, Uncle Chris came. Something stirred in Jim that wasn't numb, but it didn't feel good. He pushed it down and ignored Chris like everyone else. It hurt too much to listen. He wanted to fall asleep and not wake up, but he was scared to fall asleep and see Frank. Apparently they had noticed he wasn't sleeping, because before Chris left, he held out a pill, 

"Amanda told the doctor you aren't sleeping since your nightmare. He told her to give you this pill in the evening and it should take away your dreams but might make you sleepy in the morning." 

Jim turned over and tried swallowing without water, but he was dehydrated and coughed. Chris held out a glass of water. Jim emptied it and handed it back. he turned back over to look at the wall and hope that dreamless sleep came soon. His wish was granted. The last thing he remembered was Uncle Chris saying, 

"We all really miss you kiddo. The world isn't the same without your shine."

He woke up the next day groggy. There was already lunch on the desk. He felt hungry for the first time in a long time and sat to eat. While he did, he took out one of the Vulcan magazines. There was an interesting article he understood most of- actually it was a short story in the middle of a news magazine- it was about a boy who was lost in the forest for months. He was with his tribe, but they forgot him and when they came back he was gone because he'd left to look for them too. He had to protect himself and feed himself and try to find a way out. And one day a... something. Came along. After that, there were too many words he didn't understand. Had the boy made it out of the forest? He didn't want to ask Amanda or Sarek or Michael. He opened his comm where he still had Hoshi Sato's number saved. 

Jim: There's a story I want to read in Vulcan. I found it in a magazine, but there's too many words I don't know in the end to understand what happens. 

Her response came only about 20 minutes later. 

Hoshi: I can help. Would you like to come over for tea? If we have time after translating the story we can paint more if you want. 

Jim: Yes, please. Could you pick me up from Sarek and Amanda's house?

Hoshi: Yes, I will be there in an hour. 

Jim felt some excitement. He went to the shower and washed off. Then he changed for the first time in a few days. It had taken effort, but he felt better. He was counting on Hoshi coming to pick him up to alert Amanda and Sarek that he was going. He heard her arrive and snippets of their conversation. 

"didn't know he messaged you"... "talked to anyone in days"... "translate the story and have some tea. He needs a chance to heal" ..."please tell us"..."go get him"

Sarek was the one to go to Jim's room. 

"Thank you for not leaving without telling us." He said. "Commander Sato is ready for you at the door. She will drop you off after the two of you share dinner." Jim stood to walk down with Sarek. " Oh, that's the issue with the story" He sounded surprised, "I've read it many times. I like the story. When you get back I'd like to hear what you thought of it if you will be ready to talk to me." jim looked uncertain, but liek he was considering it. "You can decide when you return." 

At Hoshi's house, he took a breath and found his voice again, thought it was quiet and hesitant.   
"The boy is in the forest, and he's alone. He's there for months and months, and he has to survive and protect himself andgather plants for food, but then the part of the forest he's in is dying. He thinks its the right way out, but he can't find food. Then....something finds him. But I don't know what, so I don't get the ending." 

"Well I bet you know what a sehalt is, right?" 

"Yes, but this is a different word." 

"Sehalts on Vulcan are domesticated. They are smaller and less aggressive. Instead of hunting instincts the domesticated strains developed protective instincts. The word you see is the word for the wild kind. Large and dangerous. Before Surak, Vulcan would hunt them for sport but also for food." 

"So the boy sees the Sehalt, and it says he is afraid, but he knows if he... if he.." 

"If he kills the beast"

"If he kills the beast he'll have food. He doesn't know if he can make it back to where there are enough plants in the forest to eat. And he doesn't know how far the edge of the forest is, if he's even going the right way."

"That next word means an important decision, you might have heard it referred to as a 'crossroads'"

"So he's deciding if he should kill the beast and use it for food, or if he should run and see if her can make it out alive." 

"Yes". 

"And what's that next sentence say?" 

"It says that the bear lunged towards him." 

"That's all? Where's the rest of the story?" 

"That's the end of the story." 

"That isn't fair." Jim was crestfallen. "We should get to know what happens to him. He's all alone. He should get out." 

"I have an idea." Said Hoshi. Jim looked at her curiously. "Why don't we both paint what we think the end of the story is." 

Jim like that, and they painted away. His was the boy emerging from the forest. Just outside the tree line was his whole tribe. They had just noticed him, and were rushing to hug him. He painted blood around the boy's mouth. 

"There was no way the beast wasn't going to attack. So he had to die or kill it. Even if he wasn't killing it for food. When it was dead it would be stupid not to eat it. Then he'd get home and find his people." 

"I like your painting. Can I show you mine?" Jim nodded. 

Hoshi's painting depicted a grown man riding through a forest on a Sehalt. The forest was lush and green. 

"He's still all alone." 

"But he isn't alone. He befriended the beast."

"How come you painted it like that?" 

"I didn't think he could kill the beast with his staff because it didn't even have a point. If he did kill it, he'd have enough food, but not enough water to make it back to the living forest. For him to live, he needed to befriend the beast. The beast could take him to water and plants to eat." 

"He never found his family"

"No. Sometimes we lose people and they don't come back. So we have to find new people. Not to replace them, but to make our lives wonderful again."

"You can keep my painting, but can I bring yours home with me? I want to think more about it." 

"Yes, I painted it for you." She smiled. 

When she took Jim back to Sarek and Amanda's house, he went straight up to Sarek's study where he was alone. Jim sat in a chair next to the fireplace, and Sarek dropped what he was doing to sit across from Jim. 

"Did you paint that?" Sarek asked, 

"No, this is Hoshi's painting."

"What did you think of the end of the story?" 

"I don't know. I wish they'd end it. But I also think the boy probably died and I wouldn't want to read that." 

"Most Vulcan's read it in school when they are close to moving to university. Many scholars think the boy must die, but many think he does not." 

"What do you think?" Sarek thought for a moment, 

"I think different things each time I read it. I always hope at the end that he outruns the Sehalt and escapes the forest. But Sehalts are too fast, so logically he would need to kill it to escape. Even if he killed it he-" 

"He wouldn't have enough water like Hoshi said." 

"Exactly. I always felt like I wanted the boy to live so much that I was making up illogical fantasies, but Hoshi's painting is compelling. If he befriended the Sehalt, which is possible as we know from their domestication, he could have lived in the forest indefinitely, or even escaped. I hadn't thought of it like that."

"I feel like my odds of making it are about as good as the boy's." 

"I can understand how it looks like that from your perspective. I believe that you have a much greater chance of living the life you want to live. You just have a hard time ahead of you, deciding how you want your life to be now that it changed so much and so suddenly." Jim thought about that. 

"I hope you're right."


	9. Introduction

Before Jim ‘retired’ (he thought it sounded cool if a little snooty when Sarek said it) to his room, he knocked on Michael’s door. 

“Come in” he heard from the other side. Jim entered meekly, and Michael looked surprised to see him. “Hi Jim, what’s up?”

“I-” He felt a heaviness between them that hadn't been there before. “I wanted to say I’m sorry,” 

“Jim, I’m the one who’s sorry. I should have woken you up more gently, and I should have tried to help more the past few days; I hardly visited.” 

“I should have told you that night that I wasn’t mad you woke me up. It got me out of the dream which was good. And I wasn’t scared as soon as I saw your face because I know you’re nice. I wanted to tell you when you visited me that first day after, but I don’t know what happened. It felt like everything I said weighed too much, but also like no matter what I say it means nothing. I didn’t know what to do.” 

“I wouldn't know what to do if I were you either. I didn't. My parents were killed when I was about your age. I was there when it happened like you were. When someone dies it’s like the whole world stops, but only for you. Everyone else goes on and on, but you’re stuck in time with everything moving so quickly around you. At least, that’s how it was for me.” 

“Thanks for slowing down with me.”

Michael smiled, and opened her arms. Jim hugged her, and it felt like some part of his pain had eased. 

“I don’t know what to do about Amanda and Sarek. Especially Amanda. I can’t hardly look at her.” Jim said. 

“Because they didn’t tell you about Pike.” She didn’t say it like a question, more like a prompt to continue. 

“Yeah,” he added, “It’s like, I didn’t say a word for three days and they couldn’t find time to apologize? Do they really think they were right to keep me from him?” 

“I don't always understand what hey do either, and I don't know why they kept you from Pike. All I know is that they really do care about you, and everything they do is really what they think is best for you."

Jim sighed. 

"I know that that doesn't mean that you didn't get hurt." Said Michael. 

"I think I'm gonna go to bed now." Said Jim, "Do you know if there's any more of the stuff they gave to help me sleep?" Michael looked apologetic, "What?" Said Jim. 

"Amanda has it." 

Amanda was in the garden tending to the plants. Jim hesitated at the door out to the yard, but pushed himself through. He didn't want to see Frank again tonight. He figured he must walk quiet because he found himself close enough that he knew if he made a noise it would startle her. He rustled the grass loudly with his foot and she looked back at him. 

"Hello" said Jim. Amanda's shoulders relaxed and her face took on a warm look. Seeing her in the garden, covered in dirt, wearing working clothes reminded Jim of his real mom. He missed her so much it hurt. He had to look down. 

"Hi, Jim." She said, tentatively. "It's good to hear your voice." 

Jim tried to speak, and he looked on the verge on saying something for a long time before Amanda said, 

"Would you like to help me replant this?" 

"Sure" He said. 

As they replanted an elegant white flower, Jim's nerves calmed enough for him to say, 

"Um, Michael said you had more of the pills that helped me sleep." Amanda paused and looked up. 

"I do. I don't want you to be sleepy all the time though." 

"I" Jim took a breath, "I can't see Frank again. I don't know what I'll do." Tears pricked at his eyes. He felt foolish for being so afraid. If Frank could see him now, he'd have a field day pointing out how much of a coward Jim was. 

"It's okay, Jim. We'll keep you on it for now. Come inside with me and I'll get you some tea to wash it down". 

They went into the kitchen and Jim sat while she pulled the bottle off the top shelf of a high cabinet, and poured them both tea. 

"There's still something wrong between us," Amanda said, like an observation. 

"What?" Jim asked 

"I was hoping you'd tell me." Answered Amanda. 

"Oh." Said Jim. "Yeah, I mean, I guess there's something wrong" He kept pausing and couldn't figure out how to say it. "Do you think it was right not to let Unc- Chris see me?" 

Amanda took a long sip of tea. "I was afraid that seeing someone from home would make it hard for you to leave. We were also told not to let anyone who knew you through your mother or from Iowa see you. Sarek and I agreed that though the risk was almost non existent, it wasn't worth risking." 

"I think you should have told me, even if I couldn't see him." 

"You're right, Jim" said Amanda. "We should have told you why we weren't going to let you see him. And we should have told you why we're sending you away." 

"If things were different, would you want me to stay?" 

"We want you to stay now." She said. "And yes, if things were different, you would stay."

Jim took his pill, and not long later he had put on pajamas and was snoring under his covers. 

Sarek roused him in the morning. Jim felt groggy and his limbs felt heavy. It was like his brain was working on half-speed. 

"It is time to wake up, because we have a very special surprise call for you." Jim yawned but his brain was woken up by the prompt, 

"Mom?" He croaked. 

"No, I am sorry. The call is from Selek and T'Prel: your adoptive parents. We received a message that they will be calling to meet you in a couple of hours- Tarsus IV has had trouble setting up long-range comm links, so colony members struggle to schedule time. They are eager to meet you." 

"Oh," Jim felt intimidated. His heart was in his throat, but the fog of the medication loomed over his head. "So...just me? Talking to them I mean, me alone?" 

"Would you like to be?" Sarek asked. Jim looked uncomfortable. 

"I was planning to join you as I would like to see my old friends, but I can catch up with them later." 

"No, please come." Said Jim. 

Sarek spent the next hours before the call teaching Jim common Vulcan phrases, and translating facts Jim shared about himself. Selek and T'Prel both spoke English, but they were stronger in Standard and Strongest in Vulcan. Jim was quick with languages but he'd only taken Standard lessons at school for a year, and Frank had only spoken English. Jim's mom taught him some standard, but she was at work most of the time. 

Jim dressed in a new button down that Amanda had picked out. Looking at himself in the mirror of the dark screen, Jim fixed his posture before Sarek powered it up and sat next to Jim in front of a waiting signal. 

They sat in anticipatory silence until static took over the screen, and cleared away to reveal the image of a picture-perfect Vulcan couple. Jim was unsure if they were supposed to speak first, or if he or Sarek was. Sarek said, 

"Hello, old friends." 

"Sarek, it is very good to see you." Said T'Prell in a strong and friendly voice. "And is that young James with you?" 

"Yes Ma'am." Said Jim, unsure of what to call her. 

"Hello, James." Said Selek. "We are so grateful for the pleasure of welcoming you into our family." 

"Um, actually Sir everyone but Sarek calls me Jim" He said this in fumbling Vulcan. 

"The boy is well spoken. What do you like to do Jim?" T'Prel asked. Jim had prepared a list of facts with Sarek and he began to list them off; 

"I like school. I am a good student. I like to build little ships. I like to find constellations. I like to go camping. I like to catch fireflies."

"What is fireflies?" Asked Selek in standard. Sarek answered. 

"On Earth, there are bioluminescent bugs. They are called fireflies. In the summer, humans go outside at night, and catch them in jars, then release them again." 

"What fun." Said Selek, not seeming to grasp the point. 

"What do you two like to do?" Asked Jim. 

"Well, here on Tarsus, most of what we do is to help build the community. For leisure We-" The image of the two of them on screen broke and was taken over by static. 

"It should come back if we wait", Said Sarek. Jim and Sarek waited patiently as the load symbol returned. Jim couldn't decide if he wanted them back on screen. Hearing and seeing Selek and T'Prel was very strange. It was like finding out that you were famous in another galaxy you'd never been to for something you didn't remember doing. They wanted to keep him forever and they didn't even know him. 

"Sarek," Jim said, the load button still pending. "What if..." 

"I will answer honestly any question you have, James. My apologies, Jim. " 

"No, I like it when you call me James. It's just. I know they're your friends. But I don't know them at all. They see nice, but- but what if they're worse then Frank?" 

"To pretend that I know everything about any person would be arrogant, but I can tell you why I strongly believe that they will be outstanding parents to you." 

The screen had gone dark, letting them know that the call had dropped. 

Sarek and Jim sat in the study together. Sarek had made them lunch before bringing out a tablet full of photos and messages from friends. It took him a while to find the folder he was looking for. He let Jim scroll through a set of dozens of photos of Selek and T'Prell and two little girls who looked to be twins. There were also videos of them taking their first steps, winning awards, there were even a couple of them in the arms of a younger Sarek and Amanda. The images ended when the girls looked like teenagers. While Jim looked at the photos, Sarek spoke. 

"They had twin daughters once. Aisar and Aiva were wonderful girls. Our whole family knew them. Our oldest son, Sybock, was in their class at school. In my experience, Aiva and Aisar were very fond of their parents. Selek was proud to tell me once that they had trusted him to help them get a friend medical attention in a sticky situation. Selek and T'Prel always first gave me the update on the girls each time we spoke. When the girls came to play at our house they were polite and kind, but also free and whimsical. That isn't something Vulcan children are allowed to be in most homes. It made their family like a part of ours. Their children and our children sharing joy in ways deemed usually inappropriate. When Michael came, the girls adored her. She helped them feel powerful, and they helped her to befriend her feminine side- not that a feminine side is necessary to make Michael the amazing young woman she is. Aiva and Aisar were a part of our family, and as far as I ever knew, they were well and gently loved. And they were brought up to be strong, outspoken, intelligent, and compassionate." 

"What happened to them?" Asked Jim. 

"There was a bombing at the childrens' school when we still lived on Vulcan. Our sons Sybock and Spock were unharmed, but Michael and Aiva and Aisar were near the blast. Aiva and Aisar didn't make it, and Michael nearly died. After the bombing, Amanda and I brought our family here. Human culture is a welcome change for the children, but we left behind Selek and T'Prel. They made plans to move to Tarsus as soon as they could for a fresh start, and those plans were realized a year ago." 

"How come they adopted me and not someone else?" Jim asked.

"When your father was newly in Starfleet, he roomed with a Vulcan." 

"Selek?" 

"Indeed. The two became fast friends, but were placed on different ships. They would find ways to spend shore leave together, and both of your parents knew Selek and T'Prel. They also met the girls at least once. When they wrote their living wills, your parents named Selek and T'Prel as your Godparents. I learned from Amanda that this used to mean mentors or leaders in faith, but came to mean caretakers in the event of the parents' death. They wrote that you and your brother would be safe, happy, and well taken care of in the hands of Selek and T'Prel. Neither of your parents had living extended families, so it only made sense for Selek and T'Prel to take you in."

"I never knew. I guess I thought it was random." Jim said. 

"You are very loved by a network of people you have never met." 

"Do you have any picture of my parents with them?" Jim asked. 

"I don't, but I know Selek and T'Prel must. I will have them send me one in a message. I wish the video call had worked better for you to get to know them. It is unlikely they will be able to call again before you embark. " 

"That's alright. I was pretty stressed about it anyways." 

Jim spent the afternoon studying Vulcan and then playing Michael at 3-D chess. Amanda listened to their relaxed voices while she stared at a message she'd received that morning. 

"To: The Guardians of James Tiberius Kirk

Amanda Grayson and S'chn T'gai Sarek, 

This message is to notify you that Winona Kirk will be available to James Kirk via video call tomorrow at 18:00 CST. The call will be 30 minutes in duration and will be recorded and reviewed to determine whether it is appropriate for James Kirk to receive communication from Winona Kirk. " 

The message ended with a scan code for the meeting, and Amanda considered how to tell Jim. 

That same evening, not two miles away, Frank got a beer in a San Francisco bar.   
"I hear there's a kid around here saying he's George Kirk's son." Said Frank to the bartender. 

"Oh yeah, it's really him." The bartender said. "He ran away from his foster family and they had to release his name so the cops could look for him. I've seen him around with the Ambassador's wife." 

"The ambassador's wife?" 

"Yeah that's the foster family; Ambassador Sarek and his wife have a reputation for taking in strays. Why are you so curious anyway?"


End file.
